More drugs

Had the second IUI on Sunday morning. This one did not hurt as much for some reason, much to my delight. But the doctor said I need to take the progesterone…so I get to add that into the daily drug mix. Now we wait….

Also drove out to Malibu Sunday afternoon for my follow up lyme appointment with Dr. Harris. It’s been two months since I saw anyone and I’ve been having some crazy stomach problems, just an ever-expanding belly. Nothing fits me.

Dr. Harris said I’m not meeting expectations, meaning I’m not getting better which I should be after three months. He also had some thoughts about why my legs were bothering me so much, said it might be a coinfection (even though I tested negative for all of those earlier). He said negatives are not as reliable as positives and my symptoms point to a coinfection. That could also explain why my legs are getting worse, not better, with treatment. He said that because I might be pregnant and the coinfection antibiotic is a Class C drug (not safe for pregnancy), we will have to wait until I am not pregnant to start treatment. In the meantime, I have to up my dose of Magnesium…more pills, yay.

He also told me to add a few things to my daily drug regimen to help with the stomach: Saccharomyces, acidophilus and something else I can’t remember the name of that I have to order. I’m also taking Diflucan for 3 days starting yesterday. I go to the herb guy, Majid, tomorrow. He has worked with lyme patients before and I think he’ll be able to help me with what food I should and should not be eating. For the time being, I’ve been ordered off of potatoes, rice, pasta, sugar, bread, all the things I love the most. I’m eating a lot of salad (no croutons). No more Starbucks cafe mocha, no more sandwiches, no more of my favorite Thai food, no more french fries.

Did the crew thing for the Avon Walk on Saturday and I’m paying for it today…my legs and hip are REALLY sore. Every time I have to get out of my chair I groan like an old man.

Did I mention that Receptionist is having a girl? The whole mail area is decorated with “It’s a Girl!” signs and pictures of ultrasounds. They’re starting to paint the nursery tomorrow. And when I hear all of this I’m so jealous and it makes me feel really bad 🙁

But what makes me feel worse is that not only are my lyme symptoms still bad, but the medicine to make me feel better is causing a whole host of additional problems on top of everything else. In essence, I feel worse after being treated for three months and now I can’t eat anything I like.


Two times the fun

So we went in at 7:30am for the IUI this morning. But I had been testing…and thinking. I tested again last night and this morning and the test line was lighter than it had ever been. So what if it was a false almost positive? Would we be IUIing too soon? The Dr. did a scan which showed I had not yet ovulated, but she couldn’t tell whether I would ovulate in 5 minutes or in 3 days. We decided to do the IUI just in case, do a blood test to see what’s what, and then do another IUI tomorrow or Sunday depending on the test results. Hubby “gave up” a “sample” which tested off the charts (he’s such an overachiever) and they did the IUI which, by the way, was almost as painful as the HSG but didn’t take as long. I sat there “relaxing” for 10 minutes and then went to work.

Dr. called about 3pm with the blood test results…not yet ovulating, not yet LH surging. So she told me to take a shot of HCG tonight which will make me ovulate and then we’ll do another IUI on Sunday morning…cool, another IUI.

I have to report for Avon Cancer Walk Crew duty tomorrow morning at 4:30am in Long Beach. I had to tell them I couldn’t be there on Sunday, which is a real drag. But…priorities.

Time for pills, shots and bed.


Countown for ovulation

So I took the Clomid for 5 days, last one Saturday. It did make me a little moody but I’m better now. I’ve been doing the ovulation predictor tests each afternoon for the past few days. There’s something very bittersweet about seeing the faint positive on the ovulation test. The test looks exactly like the pregnancy test from the same brand and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stared at that test hoping and wishing for even just a faint positive.

This afternoon the faint positive was much less faint than before…almost but not quite as dark as the control line. To be positive, the test has to be as dark or darker than the control line. But even though it’s not totally positive, we’re going to do the IUI tomorrow morning. This is good, because if we had to do it Saturday, I would have to cancel crewing for the Avon Walk which starts tomorrow night. I really didn’t want to have to have that conversation with my Crew leader “blah blah advanced maternal age blah blah ovulating….”

We’ll go in tomorrow at 7:30am. My husband will “give up” a “sample” and it will take them one hour to “prepare” it. Then they will do the “transfer” and we’re done. I’m a little concerned about how this will feel…I almost passed out when I had the HSG done and it’s kind of the same idea…passing a catheter through the cervix. But I guess at this stage of my cycle, my cervix will be more open or something so maybe it won’t be as bad. I’m afraid to look online for suggestions because comments always range anywhere from “I didn’t feel a thing you’re all wimps” to “complications caused me to have a hysterectomy.” Googling this stuff never ends well.

My husband really needs to be at work early tomorrow but we both decided it’s important for him to be there during the “transfer.” At least we can pretend we’re doing it the normal way.

Wish us luck.


Starting IUI

So today was the first appointment with USC Fertility to get the whole IUI process going. Exam, blood test, ultrasound, the whole nine yards. Everyone is very impressed with how I keep my medical records…everything is in a binder all tabbed and indexed. I guess that’s unusual.

We talked about clomid and injectables. Clomid is a pill that makes more than the usual one egg “drop” which increases the chances of pregnancy from about 6% to about 25%. Injectables are for people who just haven’t gotten pregnant and it REALLY increases your chances of pregnancy, and of multiple pregnancies. I had 17 folicles in my right ovary and 8 in my left. If I did the injectables I could end up Octomom, which is not ideal. So we decided to go with the Clomid…I take 2 tabs each night for 5 days. Then on cycle day 10 I start testing in the afternoon with the ovulation predictor kits. Once it’s positive we go in the next day for the “transfer.”

They tested my FSH which was 7.5. They get worried that the eggs are all dried up if the number is over 10, so this is good news for me. That plus the “above average” number of folicles gives me some better than average odds for my advanced maternal age.

Other than that, my legs have really been bothering me. They feel like they’re hooked up to an electrical outlet, especially if I walk any distance longer than 10 feet. Something to talk to the lyme doc about at my next appt. That and the fact that my belly is all big again from the antibiotics. Gotta lay off the sugar.

GOOD NEWS: My new insurance, Cigna Open Access, not only pre-approved another 6 months supply of Lovenox, they have already shipped me a 3 months supply and it only cost $40. Suck it Blue Shield.


Waiting and IUI

So I’m in the middle of the infamous TWW, or Two Week Waiting period, which is the time between ovulation and finding out whether or not I’m pregnant. I can get a blood test on Wednesday. My breasts have been sore for about a week now which historically was an indication of pregnancy, but one time out of three it was just related to my period so I’m not counting on this symptom. But I’m also dreaming up a storm. The dreaming and the breast soreness usually doesn’t happen until the week before my period and this time it started almost 2 weeks before. I could go on and on with all the reasons why I’m hoping I’m pregnant but really it doesn’t mean anything, as I’ve learned. I just have to wait and see.

It was almost two years ago that Dr. Stein told us that if we want to have a baby, we must start immediately if not sooner. After all of the miscarriages, Dr. Beer testing and treatment and lyme testing and treatment, it’s now almost two years later which, in someone my age, can make the difference between getting pregnant and no longer being able to get pregnant. Long story short = there’s just no more time to waste. Therefore, we’ve decided that if I’m not pregnant this cycle, we’re moving on to IUI, or Intra-Uterine Insemination. The doctor will monitor my cycle and right when I ovulate, will inject my husband’s sperm directly into my uterus. I talked to Dr. Chung’s office at USC Fertility and it will cost somewhere between $1k and $2k depending on how much monitoring I need. At least the office is very close to work.

The receptionist at my new job has just started telling people she’s 13 weeks pregnant. The ultrasound pics are up on the wall, and every time I go to get the mail (about three times a day) I get to hear about her OB appointments and her complaints about how she can’t eat anything because she gets sick. I’d like to say “I don’t want to hear about your good luck and outstanding abilities to procreate, please stop talking” but instead what comes out of my mouth is “that’s so exciting! Congratulations!” which is a good thing.

I also like to torture myself with the TLC show Deliver Me, which I love. But today I watched one where the woman was complaining about how she doesn’t like being pregnant. I want to reach through the television and punch her in the face.

My Mom gave me all of our family photos along with her diaries starting from before I was born. She was depressed a lot of the time, extremely self-centered and not a very attentive or kind mother. She left my brother and I with a nanny while she worked and went out most nights to the bar with my Dad. There is a diary entry when I was four that reads “[me] will be home all week. I guess it will be ok.” She also mentions how she had to spank either my brother or me to sleep to get us to take a nap when we were about 18 months. How do you spank a child to sleep? It’s amazing to have all these diaries but at the same time it makes me very sad to think that my Mom was such an unhappy person and to learn that she really didn’t like me very much. It took me until I was 39 (after two years of therapy) to believe that I won’t be like her when I’m a mom. I just hope I didn’t wait too long because I think I’ll be a great mama and that my husband will be such a great daddy. But it’s hard not to believe that the universe is trying to tell me something after everything that we’ve been through. And it’s hard to have hope and faith when at the same time I need to know for my own sanity that I won’t die if I don’t ever get pregnant.