I need a vacation from my vacation

My husband and I have never really had a vacation. We didn’t have a honeymoon after we got married. So this last weekend we scheduled a 4 day getaway to the beach. Nothing but relaxation and rest for 4 straight days.

Thursday was a great day, they upgraded us to a suite! It was literally bigger than our house. Unfortunately, it smelled like old lady perfume and moth balls. Thursday night my allergies started really bothering me so we asked for foam pillows and took the feather comforter off the bed.

By Friday my allergies were so bad we asked for a different room. They gave us a new suite that was just as big but no old people perfume. Unfortunately, by this time I realized my allergies weren’t allergies at all, but a cold…a bad cold.

Friday night we bought me some Nyquil, but because there was a small possibility I might be pregnant, we decided to get a pregnancy test and take it before I took the Nyquil. We were trying to forget about the wait, weren’t going to test at all, just let things unfold. But because I was sick and had to take the medicine, there really wasn’t a choice.

o I took the test. And it was positive! We couldn’t believe it. We were so excited. Finally, not thinking so much about it actually worked! I wasn’t going to do it, but I looked on my iphone app to see what the due date would be, what sign the baby would be. A Leo born August 6th.

We ordered up some room service and watched a movie. Every so often my husband would point to me and smile. High fives. I didn’t care so much that I was so sick.

Then I went to the bathroom and there was blood. My husband tried to convince me it was normal, that it was just spotting. But it wasn’t.

And then I got cramps.

I never would have known I was pregnant again if I hadn’t gotten sick. Such a cruel, cruel trick. We’re trying to figure out what to do now. I was taking the Lovenox, so it wasn’t a clot. Was it the Lyme? A co-infection? Should I start the other antibiotic? But that means taking 3 months off. Three months is a long time. And if the reason is just that I’m old, then continuing to try every month is the best thing to do, not take time off.

It’s getting harder and harder. And when I think it can’t get any harder than it is, it gets harder still.

At least I don’t have swine flu

Well, I woke up this morning 10 percentage points lighter on the “ability to conceive” scale. But I had some very nice birthday wishes from family and friends, so there’s the bright side.

Had my 2 month appointment with Lyme doctor Sunday. I saw Dr. Thoring this time instead of Dr. Harris. Dr. Thoring is putting me on some better Magnesium supplements (why I wasn’t given these before, I don’t know…two months of crappy supplements = wasted time). He said if my restless leg problems don’t resolve after a week on these, I probably have a co-infection. If I have a co-infection, I have to take three months off of baby-making to take another antibiotic that is not baby friendly. When you’re 41, the dog-years theory applies so three months is really actually like 5 years. I’m really hoping the new supplements make me better. I ordered them on Monday and they said it would be one or two days max but they’re still not here.

I also complained about my hair falling out (which it is doing again) and Dr. Thoring suggested I try Armour Thyroid instead of Synthroid. Any google search will reveal a massive controversy about this subject. I called Dr. Stricker’s office and first they said it’s not available so stick to Synthroid. Then I told them Dr. Thoring has some, so can I just get a prescription. They were very defensive, espousing danger and full of warnings. Look, if it might make my hair stop falling out, it’s worth a try. I’ve begun imagining myself like Little Edie in Gray Gardens, dancing around with a towel on my head.

The new supplements plug up the afternoon no pill-popping hole so I’ll have to update my regimen. I also have to set the alarm an hour before I get up just to take my thyroid medicine (whatever that ends up being) so that I can wait an hour to take the probiotic/saccharomycin/herbs and then wait another hour to take my antibiotics/olive leaf/fish oil with my breakfast. I’ve reached the point where there aren’t enough hours in my waking day to take all of the shit that I have to take.

I started the Lovenox shots this week and something happened two days ago that has never happened before: I pulled the needle out and I was bleeding where the needle came from. Then immediately there was this hard lump under my skin the size of a quarter. A call to the pharmacist and some online sleuthing put me at ease as evidently this is a known side-effect. Why it had never happened before, and why it was happening now, I haven’t a clue. But it’s normalish, I’m fine, and I hope it doesn’t happen again. Plus there’s the lovely accompanying big purple bruise.

Crap mood

I woke up in a crap mood this morning and it only got worse. I decided last night I have to start taking the Lovenox shots again because in the off chance that I do get pregnant and have not taken the Lovenox, I could lose it again…so I have to. P.S. I still have a bruise on my poor belly from the last shot I did over a MONTH ago.

I’ll be 41 next week which means I’ve lost another 10 percentage points on the ability to conceive graph. To make matters worse, the mail this morning gifted me an AARP membership card. I know I’m a few years away from 50, but it was still a shocker to see it. They shouldn’t do that to people.

I got to donate $20 to the receptionist’s baby shower which will be held on Tuesday. I usually avoid talking to her, but today I asked if she had gotten a flu shot. After a 10 minute conversation about baby size, movement, trimesters and due dates, she proclaimed that she was ready to be done with the pregnancy. Poor pregnant girl with my $20 and a party next week.

By the way, this morning before I left for work I noticed that the cat had pooped on the couch…and I just left it there.

Pass the tequila

My hip feels great. It’s not even three weeks since the surgery and I’m about 95% back to normal, except it’s better than normal because I don’t have the crazy hip pain anymore. I actually went grocery shopping today pain free. It’s absolutely amazing.

Went to my herb guy, Majid, on Wednesday. He said I’m 50% better overall than when I first went to see him a month and a half ago. He also said that my ph balance is good and the hormones look good and if we want to start trying to get pregnant again we can. I’m trying to decide what level of commitment I’m up for…do I start the lovenox? Do I go back to acupuncture? I have to say it was pretty great this month just knowing I was not pregnant. No tests, no wondering, no counting days, no contemplating due dates. I was simply not crazy this month. It was a nice respite.

I think this month we should not try to get pregnant, but at the same time not try not to. This is what my sister-in-law did and guess what, she’s pregnant. My friend with the new baby suggests drinking more. She, as well as many people she’s talked to, were evidently really drunk when they conceived. It sounds counter-intuitive (and somewhat harmful) but maybe it’s worth a try. I’ve tried everything else.

I have my next lyme dr. appointment next Sunday on November 8th. I recently read the most up-to-date information regarding lyme and pregnancy and the concensus is that I have to be on antibiotics the entire pregnancy or risk passing lyme to the baby which can cause several problems which include everything from heart, brain and lung damage to death. So I guess I’ll be on antibiotics either until I have a baby or reach meopause. Great.